Let Me Inside
by xCyaniide
Summary: A teenaged Tonks notices that all isn't right with her Potions Master, Severus Snape. Will he eventually let her in or simply push her away? Several chapters left to write but let me know if you like it!
1. Chapter 1

It was October 31st 1987 and Nymphadora Tonks, or Tonks as she prefered, was sitting alone in detention with Professor Severus Snape, the Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Being in detention with him was nothing unusual for any of the students at Hogwarts, least of all Tonks, due to her seemingly high levels of clumsiness. She often seemed to break things or blow things up and he chose to punish her repeatedly for that, usually making her clean up the mess she had made, write lines or sort through his store room. She, like any other student, despised him for giving her detentions when it was only due to accidental occurances that such things happened anywhere but it seemed there was no real way of getting out of a detention with the formidable Potions Master. It was far easier to just sit the detention and leave than to argue with him unless the reason for doing so was to have all the points from your house removed. This was something Tonks didnt want to happen and therefore she would simply sit there until she was told to leave.

That day, she had yet again managed to concoct some sort of potion that had blown up the cauldron and sent boiling liquid of some sort all over Professor Snape. She hadn't done it on purpose, of course. She hadnt even realised she had done it at all until she saw he was soaking wet and steaming. Sure she disliked her teacher. Everyone did. But why would she want to hurt him like that? Annoy him perhaps but she knew that hurting a Professor would put her in deep trouble with the Headmaster and, as much as she liked Professor Albus Dumbledore, she didnt want to get on the wrong side of him and have her life ended at the age of fourteen. She was just very clumsy and so, accidents like that happened. Unfortunately, Severus Snape was not one to ignore these sorts of events, accidental or not.

While everyone else was downstairs having fun at the party for Halloween, a tradition at Hogwarts due to the general nature of the school, Tonks was sitting with her Potions teacher counting down the hours until the end of the party and the end of her detention. She had hoped he would let her go if she actually finished all of the work he set her and so she had finished cleaning the room as quickly as she could. However, Professor Snape hadnt seen that as good enough for a punishment as it had been over too quickly so she was forced to sit out the rest of the party there as well. She was beginning to really get annoyed at being kept there and her hair kept changing between several shades of red as she sat there, much to the annoyance of the Slytherin Potions Master who hated anything that remotely resembled Gryffindor.

She had been staring at the desk for the past hour and a half and was getting rather bored of doing so. Her eyes flicked up momentarily in order to glare at the teacher but she noticed something she had never seen before when it came to the man seated at the desk in front of her. He looked sad. Truly sad. It wasn't a mocked up look of annoyance or anything like that for once but it was true sadness. He almost looked as though he was missing something or a part of him had died. Her glare had softened to more of a look of concern but before she had a chance to really analyse the look in his eyes though, his eyes met hers and she looked away as she didn't want to appear too intrusive.

His voice broke the silence in the room, "Would you mind telling me why you were staring at me, Nymphadora?" His voice sounded rather harsher than usual as he had been caught not looking like his usual grumpy self and therefore he used her first name to avert her attention to something else before she had much time to think about what she had seen. With a bit of luck, she might forget seeing it. It seemed to have worked as her hair turned a more violent shade of red and she said nothing. She had temporarily forgotten that look in his eyes and she just shook her head, "Sorry Professor," she mumbled as she bit back the anger at his use of her first name. He knew she hated it, yet he always insisted on using it. With all the other students, he would use their last name but not with her. It was almost as if he wanted to annoy her. Perhaps he did. She would probably never know, though.

She continued to stare at the desk for a few more minutes as she wondered who Charlie Weasley, the guy who should have been taking her to the Halloween party, had gone with in the end. She hoped it wasnt anyone she disliked, or her best friend for that matter. That would simply be awful. Her hair continued to glow a violent red at the thought of it and Professor Snape watched her for a few moments as if contemplating whether to query her prolonged choice of hair colour. Normally, it had returned to pink within a few moments as she would think about the Gryffindor boy or whomever she was interested in now. This time, it was his turn to be caught out though as Tonks glanced up and caught him watching her.

He glanced at the sun dial (something which none of the students could understand him having in such a dark dungeon) and found that it was almost 10 o'clock. "Go to your dormitory," Snape said to her, no hint of politeness in his voice at all as he simply wanted to get rid of her. He hated how he often seemed to have to waste so much time keeping her in detentions. Maybe one day she would learn but at the moment, that seemed highly unlikely.

Tonks got up and left the room, slamming the door as she did, but she headed straight to the Hufflepuff common room. She didnt see the point in disobeying Snape because she would only end up with more detentions and she really didnt want any more after the number she had been forced to have recently. She walked slowly through the corridors, eventually arriving at the common room and heading up to her room. She slumped onto the bed and her mind wandered back to Charlie again. She certainly hoped he hadnt gone with anyone she didnt want him to go with. Hopefully next time they would be able to go together. She just hoped she wouldnt end up with another detention the next time there was a party at Hogwarts, presumably Christmas.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been exactly one year since hte last time Tonks had witnessed such sadness upon the eyes of the Potions Master but that day she had witnessed the same thing again. It was Halloween 1988 and, once more, his pain was very evident in his eyes. She found herself wondering why he was so sad at such a happy occassion when there were parties going on all around them. It simply didnt seem like the right emotion to show. He seemed almost entirely unwilling to show any happy emotions at all, especially at parties, yet Halloween represented darkness. He supposedly fought for the dark side, or so she had been told at any rate, so why he didnt like the festival she had no idea.

Once again though, she was seated in his classroom throughout the entire Halloween party because she had managed to knock a shelf down in his store cupboard this year. She had spent several hours removing all of the stains from the flooring and the walls and was now, as the previous year, sitting silently waiting for him to dismiss her. She was watching him carefully, attempting not to be seen, and once again she had seen that look of sadness in his eyes. Perhaps Halloween held some memories for him that he didnt care to remember at any other time? Maybe something had happened on that date a few years previously? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that it didn't seem as though he had anyone to talk to about whatever it was and she wanted to help him. She no longer despised him as she had done in the previous year. She was more sympathetic towards him and complained far less when he gave her detentions as she often remembered seeing that sadness in his eyes. She didn't know how to talk to him about it though as it wasn't the sort of conversation one would usually have with a teacher.

As she was contemplating what to say to him, his eyes met hers again in a similar manner to the way they had done the previous year and she frowned slightly, her eyes falling to the table top. "Miss Tonks, I believe you were staring at me?" he queried, an eyebrow raised. For once, he had used her surname and she found herself looking up at him again.

"Sorry, Professor. I was just thinking, that's all," she replied as she still had no idea what to say to him. She wanted to find a way to help him, she truly did. She was fairly certain he wouldnt want help, though. It just seemed like the person he was. And he seemed to have accepted her reply as his eyes returned to whatever was on his desk before him. She then began to wonder what could have been on his desk. He could have been looking at something that would have answered her question about what was upsetting him after all. "Professor, may I go to the toilet?" she asked as she hoped he would say yes and give her a reason to get up and hopefully glance at whatever was on his desk.

"Yes, but no more than 5 minutes," he replied as he instinctively folded over the letter he had been reading. His eyes revealed that same sadness as they had done the previous year again but in a matter of seconds he had hidden it. 'Just how good is he at hiding his feelings?' Tonks thought as she got up and walked out of the room. She simply stood outside of the door for a couple of minutes and then walked back in to find him reading once more. Her eyes caught sight of an address, meaning it was a letter. She didnt want to pry into his personal life though, of course, and the fact that he folded the letter over again until she sat down obviously meant he didnt want her to see it.

He had, in fact, seen her glance at it and therefore had covered it up because he knew she would end up prying into what it was about. He knew she had seen the sadness in his eyes but he hoped she wouldnt comment on it, or tell anyone else about it for that matter, because he certainly didnt want to discuss it. The letter had been one from Lily only a matter of days before she had been killed and he still felt responsible for what had happened but he didnt want to have to admit something like that to a student, especially a student who was related to Sirius Black, the man who had been imprisoned for the crime he didnt do. Professor Snape of course knew he hadnt done it and he could have come forward with the evidence to prove that but after everything he had put him through as a student at Hogwarts he simply didnt see why he should have allowed him to go free. He was sure that if he ever escaped though, he would probably be killed by Sirius.

Tonks continued to watch the Potions Master for a while as he seemed to be deep in thought. She wondered if it would be possible to find the letter if she was cleaning the room some time and decided she might as well attempt to find it some time. The only part of the address she had caught was "Spinner's End" but there couldnt be too many of those around, surely? Maybe that was where Professor Snape lived when he wasnt at Hogwarts? Perhaps she would find out one day but for now, she had to concentrate on looking bored or he would get suspicious.

Professor Snape glanced at his sun dial again, just as he always did at the end of detentions, and he said, "It's a little early but I have things I need to do. You can go now," and he then got up from his desk and walked back through to his office behind the classroom, taking everything he had with him. Tonks frowned a little as she hadnt expected that to happen but she was grateful to be getting out early all the same. One day she would make sure she spoke to him about it, although of course she wasnt sure when that would be just yet.


	3. Chapter 3

The following year, Tonks had once again been placed into detention by Professor Snape for the whole of the Halloween party. It was almost as though he didnt want her to have any fun, yet this time she didnt mind going there to see him. Maybe this year she really would get to find out what was wrong with him at Halloween each year (or in the past two years at least).

She had been told to report to his classroom at 6pm and so at 6pm she arrived at his classroom. She knocked on the door and received no reply after several minutes so she knocked again. This time, she did get an answer. "Yes?" the voice of Severus Snape asked, sounding rather annoyed to have been interupted. It seemed as though once again he was in a bad mood at Halloween.

Tonks frowned a little, "Uh, I-I'm here for my d-detention Professor," she replied, stuttering a little as she had never known him not to know who was on the other side of the door before. It had simply taken her by surprise.

"Ah, yes. Enter," Professor Snape replied, a hint of uncertainty in his voice almost as if he had forgotten he had put her in detention; something else which surprised her. As she entered the classroom, he shoved a couple of sheets of parchment into his desk as though he had been caught off gurad and then got up from his seat. "Just re-arrange the jars alphabetically, then you can leave," he stated.

Tonks looked at him with a rather surprised look on her face as she had expected to have been kept there all evening, "Oh.. Uh, okay Professor," she said as she placed her bag on a desk and began to rearrange the jars. Her eyes glanced behind her at her Professor for a few seconds with a concerned look on her face as he seemed to be arranging, then rearranging things on his desk. She decided she ought to ask him if he was okay now or she wouldnt get a chance to do so as he would probably make her leave as soon as she was finished. "Professor, erm.. Are you okay?" she asked cautiously as she knew he had a fairly volatile temper at the best of times.

"Concentrate on what you're doing," he snapped in return, shooting a typical Snape-glare at her in an attempt to get her to stop watching him. He hadn't thought he had been acting particularly differently, although he was. He was about to go to a meeting with a few Death Eaters who were likely to do him some serious harm for passing on some information to the Order of the Phoenix, yet he wasnt about to explain that to a student.

Tonks frowned as she had only been trying to help him (something nobody else seemed even remotely willing to do) and he had turned it down. Wonderful. She silently finished rearranging the jars and bottles until there was no more rearranging to do. "Professor, I've finished," she said and Snape turned back to her.

"Very well, you may leave," he responded, looking almost as though he was in a hurry to get rid of her. She picked up her bag and walked out of the classroom and hurried towards the great hall where the party was. Normally, Snape would have been glad of the company in an odd way, even if he wasnt particularly friendly towards that company when it was there. She found that idea a little strange and she happened to turn back towards the classroom for a few seconds in time to see him leaving and heading towards the entrance hall.

She decided in that split second to follow him and find out where he was going as it was an intriguing thought. She had nobody to go to the party with anyway and she really didnt want to be watching Charlie and some girl she didnt know making out either so it made more sense to stalk her teacher...


	4. Chapter 4

As the Potions Master walked briskly out into the night, Tonks followed him. She was, for once, able to remain silent as she kept up with his pace but at a reasonable distance to prevent the likelihood of her being seen. She didn't even know entirely why she was following him. She just had a feeling in her stomach that it was the right thing to do and so, she decided to do it.

He opened the gates, taking a quick look behind him to check he wasn't being followed. Tonks managed to remain still enough in the shadows of a nearby tree which just happened to be handily positioned there so that she wasn't seen. He allowed the gate to swing closed behind him, giving her just enough time to squeeze through before it closed and locked behind them. If anyone noticed she was missing, she knew she'd be in a lot of trouble. She was fairly certain nobody knew he had left either because he had don so in such a discrete manner. At any rate, if anything bad happened the two disappearances would at least be linked, or so she hoped.

They took the pathway to Hogsmeade, Tonks keeping at least ten steps behind Snape at all times and remaining as close to silent as was possible. Suddenly, Snape seemed to speed up as though he had realised he was late for something. Tonks found it more difficult to keep up so decided she would just make sure she kept him in sight as there was nowhere other than Hogsmeade to go to along that pathway. Little did she know that the meeting Snape was attending was on the pathway, not at Hogsmeade.

It was pitch black and the moon was barely out; probably a good coincidence considering that Fenrir Greyback had ensured that his pack was much larger now. Tonks was almost entirely unaware of the fact that there was a sudden tenseness in the atmosphere until there was a loud crack and ten death eaters suddenly surrounded Snape. Tonks gasped, shrinking back behind some bushes and listening intently to what they were saying.

"So, Snape, you decided to show up," said a voice that Tonks recognised to be that of her aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange. Snape either made no response or spoke too quietly for Tonks to hear and the next statement from her aunt followed only moments later, "We've discovered a spy within our ranks, Snape, and it appears that spy is you!"

Snape's body became considerably paler, although Tonks was unable to see this happening. The only reason she became aware of this fact was when another voice pointed it out to the group, "Well, well, well, he's acknowledging it by his change in colour!"

The group laughed and, above all the laughs of the other people there, the cackle of Bellatrix was the most audible. "_Crucio!_" Bellatrix shouted once the laughter was beginning to subside and an almost blinding light shot from the end of the wand of the witch. The menacing laughter seemed to get worse again as Snape writhed in agony on the floor. Another spell must ave been fired as well as Snape was then sent flying backwards into a tree which tore his robes. The light from the various spells now being fired at Snape was enough to show Tonks that he was bleeding and fairly badly hurt and she felt very sympathetic towards him.

Before she had even realised what she was doing, Tonks had drawn her own wand and a green light had shot from the end of it. She gasped as one of the death eaters fell dead to the ground, having not even remembered saying anything, and the laughter stopped. "He didn't come alone," exclaimed one of the death eaters.

"He could have any number of people with him!" added another and they were gone within a matter of seconds to protect their own lives. Voldemort was yet to rise again and their plans being passed to the Order of the Phoenix meant very little to them for now. When he did truly return though, the life of Snape would certainly not be safe if their accusations had been true and Tonks knew that.

She went straight over to Snape to see if he was conscious and was glad to see that he was. "Professor?" she asked in nothing more than a whisper. Her wand was still drawn as she realised they may have still been around. "_Finite Incantatum,_" she said, having remembered something Snape had once told them in a Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson he had covered about spells often still being active and being used to determine how safe it was for the dark side to return to the scene of the crime. In most cases, if it was just a chance passer by, or so they had been told, the need to use that particular spell would be less prominent.

"Did you follow me?" Snape asked, sounding rather harsh and angry despite the clear pain he was in. He sat up slowly, trying to hide the pain but not being particularly successful. "Go back to the school and tell nobody you saw me here," he snarled at Tonks as menacingly as he could muster.

Tonks was slightly scared of her Professor when he was clearly much more powerful than he had ever let on. He was obviously a member of the death eaters or he wouldn't have been recognised by them all, or have been accused of being a traitor. She still didn't want to leave him when he was clearly in pain though. "I can't leave you here, Professor," she replied, her eyes glancing back at the body of the man she had killed.

Snape saw it for the first time and he realised what she must have done. His eyes simply watched the body, almost as if he expected it to move, for several moments before he finally looked back at her and said, "Go back to the castle. Give me your wand and I'll tell the Ministry I took it by mistake."

Again Tonks shook her head, "Professor, I don't want to get you into trouble. And besides, you're injured. I'm not leaving you here," she insisted. For the first time, she felt hopeful that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to help him in some way as she had wanted to do for the past few years. Perhaps this was what had been worrying him all this time?

"You don't understand what you're getting yourself into," Snape persisted as he wanted to at least know she would be safe before he concentrated on finding a way of making himself feel more human again after what they had done to him.

"I know more than you realise," she replied, "Bellatrix is my aunt. I've seen her torturing people before but..." she paused and glanced over the rips and blood stains on his clothing, "She really doesn't like you, does she?" she asked finally.

Snape shook his head and frowned, "If she realises you're anything to do with me apart from being my student she'd probably hurt you as well. She sees me as a traitor and labels anyone I'm associated with as just as bad," he frowned once more. The only person he felt he had betrayed was Lily Evans- No. Lily Potter. He sighed quietly at the memory and brought a hand up to move some of his hair out of his eyes, only to find it absolutely covered in blood. Prior to this movement he hadn't realised he was bleeding so badly and he physically grimaced at the sight of it.

Tonks noticed the grimace and she frowned, "You live at Spinner's End, right?" she asked, having remembered the address on the envelope and the letter she had briefly glimpsed on his desk last Halloween.

"How on earth would you know that?" Snape asked, a look of something between horror and confusion, mixed with the pain he also felt, plastered upon his face. He hadn't been aware that any of his students knew where he lived.

"I saw it on a letter you were reading once, I just happened to glance at it," she replied innocently and he seemed to accept that. He nodded, in any rate. "Should I apparate us both there?" she asked. She had never been there before and her apparition could be a little haphazard at times but she was yet to leave any body parts behind or anything of that sort.

Snape looked at her warily, "If your apparition is anything like your attempt at Potions, I really would prefer not to," he answered as he tore part of his robes in order to make a temporary bandage for his hand.

"Just because I can't do Potions doesn't mean I can't do anything," she replied, sounding a little hurt. In fact, apparition was probably one of the few things she could do almost straight away without too much problems. "And I did just save your life," she added.

Snape looked up at her and nodded, "That's true. I suppose there's no reason you'd have saved me to then kill me with an apparition attempt. You do have a licence though?" he asked as he knew she was in enough trouble already.

"Of course," she replied, "Now how are we going to do this? As it doesnt look as though you're going to be standing on that," she said, nodding to his foot which, until now, he hadn't realised had a bone sticking out of it at an odd angle.

He grimaced a little once more and shook his head, "No, I don't think I will..." He was actually rather scared of allowing her to apparate him anywhere but then if they stayed there they would be in a lot more trouble than if they left.

"Take hold of my wrist and I'll do my best to land gently," she said as she also took hold of his shoulder. "Ready?" she asked.

Snape grasped her wrist as tightly as he could with his good hand and then nodded, "Ready," he replied and Tonks apparated the two of them straight to his home in Spinner's End.


	5. Chapter 5

It was only a matter of seconds before they landed in Spinner's End but to the injured Severus Snape, it felt like years. He groaned involuntarily as they landed, Tonks having been as gentle as she possibly could for someone who was barely old enough to apparate at all. "Sorry, Professor," she said immediately when she saw he was in a lot of pain. It was the first time she had ever seen any sort of emotion besides anger and dislike, usually aimed at her. For once he was showing that he actually did have a weaker side somewhere and she knew that she had to help him somehow whether he liked it or not. "Can I get you anything or help you in any way?" she asked him as he was simply clinging tightly to her wrist still. "Do you want help moving to the sofa?" she also asked as she had just seen that it was positioned a little distance from where they had landed.

"I'll be fine," he replied as harshly as he could manage, yet a hint of pain still came through in his voice. He let go of her wrist and clenched his fist instead, his knuckles going white in a matter of seconds. Tonks frowned but said nothing as he spoke again, "Well, maybe just a little help to get to the couch." He sounded extremely reluctant to let her do anything and, surprisingly, his house was extremely tidy before they had arrived so undoubtedly he was feeling rather frustrated with the fact that his pristine carpet was now covered in his blood and mud from the shoes they both wore.

For now though, Tonks ignored all of that and carefully helped him get to his feet, then helped him make it over to the sofa. He was heavier than she had expected but he had more muscle as well which she supposed helped. It meant that he was still fairly strong, despite the beating he had just received from the Death Eaters. "Are you okay?" she asked as he fell onto the sofa, unable to get onto it in any other way.

He nodded, "I'll be fine, Tonks, honestly," he said, actually allowing himself to smile slightly. "They've done worse than that before," he added, frowning slightly as he knew he would receive worse in the future as well for bringing a traitor with him to a supposedly private meeting. He would worry about that later though. For now he needed to try and convince her to leave his house and go back to the castle. She would be missed in the morning if she hadn't been missed already. "Now, will you please go back to the castle?" he pleaded. Severus Snape had never begged with anyone, least of all a student, but this time he felt it was necessary.

"No," she replied, "You can't make me go. And I'm not going to." Snape opened his mouth to object again but she shook her head firmly, "I'm staying right here with you. You're ill and someone has to help you heal somehow. Obviously I can't do magic out of school, especially after what just happened, but I can attempt to make some Potions and things to help you," she said, running on a little longer than she probably should have done.

The Potions Master almost snorted with laughter at her suggestion of making a Potion, much to her dismay, but he said, "I suppose that's the only option I have if you're not going to get help from elsewhere," he frowned. He simply didn't trust her Potions making abilities at all. She had blown up various parts of his classroom on far too many occassions and he was somewhat scared of taking anything that her hands had produced. Oddly though, his mind was telling him to trust her for once. "Tonks," he said, waiting for her to look at him (which she did), "Just promise you'll listen to what I tell you to do?"

Tonks looked at him eagerly, having expected him to say "no" and that she would have no further say in the matter. Maybe he really was a lot more hurt than he was letting on? "I promise, Professor," she said, smiling at him. "So where do I start?" she asked as she wanted to help him as soon as she could. In an odd way, she missed the strict, dominating Snape that she was used to. It was nice to not be shouted at every five seconds but there was something drastically wrong with him for him to even allow her to make Potions that could save his life, or kill him if done wrong.

"There's a cauldron in the cupboard under the stairs, along with several bottles of clear liquid. Get the cauldron and about five of the bottles, then bring them back here," he commanded. That was better. The normal Snape was coming back again. She simply nodded in response to his instructions and hurried to the cupboard under the stairs where she collected what she had been told to collect and then returned to him again. He seemed to be asleep, though.

"Professor?" she asked, walking to his side and gently taking hold of his hand. He was surprisingly cold and pale and she assumed he had fainted. She gulped. So she was on her own with making a Potion to make him conscious again. However, Tonks had no idea how to make a Potion of this sort. Well this was going to be fun.


End file.
